Hey guys! It's springtime and you know what that means! Our shitty baseball team has started to tank and our fans are looking elsewhere for entertainment.
Oh no! How will we retain our fans?
I KNOW! Let's cover playoff hockey! Can't be that hard, right?
Goals, assists, saves, and face offs, this will be an easy thing to cover! We won't lose any one AND we'll pick up those who already love hockey!
Wow! This is a win/win idea!
Okay face off time-- wait why is the ref throwing someone out? What'd he do? He didn't touch anyone! These refs suck! Alright, nice, the puck is in play. And our team is in blue? White? Hmmm I should probably figure this out before I submit this.
WOAH Woah woah! That has got to be illegal, that guy was squished against the boards! OMG is that blood? That is so harsh! Wait? He's only getting two minutes? Booooo! Wow these refs really suck! I can't believe they are siding with the other team.
Isn't this a conflict of interest? There's gotta be something illegal going on. How can this be possible? I smell a conspiricy! I'll cover that tomorrow. I'm so smart, I can't believe no one has come up with this idea! I'll call it "The Inside Men: Hockey's Dark Secret Of Betrayal And Favoritism Of Teams That Haven't Won The Cup Yet!" Okay, I have to work on the title, but you have to admit this is a pretty sweet idea. Maybe I'll turn it into a series, uncover each secret the league is hiding.
Oh shit, the other team scored while I was thinking about tomorrow. What's that? Oh that's the sound of the bandwagoners running away from this team. Yeah wow, I can't believe they are bailing and the team is only down by 1 goal. Plenty of time to make it up.
Wait--- there's only 5 minutes left in the game?? Will there be a 2 mintue warning? How did I miss half time? Those commercials are always talking about 2 half times. How did I miss 2 of them??
Oh dear. What's our goalie doing? Why is he leaving the ice? Doesn't he know he's supposed to say on the ice and block shots from going in the net? Oh that's right, they can "pull" the goalie and then have an extra guy out on the ice. Makes sense. Though I don't know why they don't think they can get a goal in 90 seconds. Didn't that guy from New York have a goal with 0.6 seconds left? We can do that!
Go Team Go! These refs suck!
Awww dammit! None of our fans are going to care about a loss. What the hell are we going to talk about now? Oh cool! A sappy human interest piece on this player's movie star girlfriend, that player's love of puppies, and how the rookie was asked to the prom. AWESOME!
Now no one can complain that we *never* cover hockey! We totally do! TAKE THAT HOCKEY ELITIST!