It’s time for the yearly Body Issue published by ESPN Magazine. They call it an exhibition of the finest athletes in sports, I call it the one time of year hockey isn’t forgotten about (HA! you thought I was going to be dirty). It’s true. So often the NHL is brushed to the side for other sports and as an NHL fan, I feel kinda shafted. The hard working men end up being ignored, but once a year the NHL is featured, in its naked glory.
The NHL strips off it’s sweaters and helmets for a chance to shine in its sweaty, naked, manly glory. Yeah, there’s some women in the issue, but as this is a hockey blog, I’ve only taken a look at Brad Richards’s spread for the event. In recent past, ESPN has featured naked Zdeno Chara and Ryan Kesler. One sent fans screaming for eye bleach and the other sent fangirls into a frenzy.
This year, it seems Richards has sent the fan world into a murmur of indifference. No one seems to care, no one is photoshopping Richards in funny places or doing funny things while naked, and the ladies of my timeline aren’t calling for an ice bath to cool things off. Has our hormone driven culture hit an apex?
I vote no,
But what has changed from this year’s Body Issue from last? Have we stopped caring about the attention that the NHL gets from ESPN? Is Richards that much less attractive than Kesler? Have the cougars that chase after Richards not invaded my Twitter like the Kesgirls?
I’m not a fan of the visual side of Brad Richards, those teeth alone will give me nightmares tonight. And seeing him stripped down? My lady loins are not a fire. It gets points for being a tasteful, relevant (no boulders this year) well maintained body, but that’s it. The NHL has bigger names, better bodies, and more successful (not that Richards isn’t) players to pick from. And as for having no inhibitions? Yeah I think ESPN has their pick.
I hate to be the party pooper, but it feels like ESPN plucked a name from the headlines that wasn’t controversial (Rick Nash, Zach Parise) and was already media friendly, thank you relationship with Olivia Munn, and called it a day. I’m not asking to see a 4th line plug strip down (keep your clothes on BizNasty) but maybe a little more thought into the selection? Maybe a slightly more attractive man? Because let’s be honest. This is all about enjoying the naked men and women. And I’m not enjoying.
As I told Lindy Ruff’s Tie the other day: MOAR SHIRTLESS KANE!